i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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