Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
