a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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