It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
