hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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