My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
