he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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