Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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