ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
