This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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