he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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