How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Found the puke drawer
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
