The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize