He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
