turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just found a bag of teeth...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Someone signed my nipple.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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