Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
