He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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