Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
