Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
