Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
