i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
