I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
