She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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