so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
