just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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