I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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