How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
3 2 1 whiskey
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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