he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
