I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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