He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
