are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
