I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
