I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
