my phone needs a breathalizer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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