I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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