Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
