their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
