Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
