Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
