I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
