totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
