Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
