Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
