Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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