the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
