My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
