also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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