Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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