She is in my trunk
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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