the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
