Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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