There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
