my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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