I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
