Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
