One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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