Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
