i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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