My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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