he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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