That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
