I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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