i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
