Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
