Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
