drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
