Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
