just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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