eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
