I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
