I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
