i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
