made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
