just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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