It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
