I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
