What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
