just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
