I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
