this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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